Ça Chauffe - Social Life and Exhaustion

Apr 13

3 min read

I am a tired woman. My body is doing better, but conditions are just plain difficult what with wavering electricity, heat, and adolescent students who just love to push boundaries. All of these things are bearable, but a lot of my free time is devoted to sleep. School takes it out of me.

Fortunately, it’s finally the big Congé de Paques (Easter Holidays), and I am responsibility-free until April 28th, when I’ll finally receive my Tech II training from Peace Corps. Until then, I’m resting, eating well, rolling out the yoga mat, and attending to some end of the year paperwork I’ve been neglecting this school year.

It’s been a moment since I’ve written, so let me back up. I’ve made the dangerous discovery that two of my close friends, Messay and Catherine, are only a 45 minute commute away from me. Since my initial visit in March, I’ve returned twice. I can’t resist the good food and even better company to be found in Abomey and Bohicon.

It’s such a privilege to have the chance to travel and see more of Benin with fabulously diverse company. There’s no place like home, but I’ve come to discover the magic of making where you are home. For me, home has become late night phone calls with Lael, Sami floating face up in the pool, Henry’s tendency to wrestle even small children on the beach, Catherine’s laugh.

It’s about nights out meeting people from across the world and remembering that your own experience is only a small portion of the range of existence. There are so many good people being themselves and acting in ways large and small. It’s quite easy to forget with the relentless gush of social media, but I’m not alone. When there’s bullshit, I’ve got my people.

I have made more mistakes than I knew was possible, and, finally, I’m reveling in this fact. Each mistake made shows me the way to something more, even if the road is heavy and hard and my shoes pinch as I try my best to move forward. Sometimes I walk backwards, even. I’ve realized, though, that I never stop growing; it’s just hard to see when I’m so up close with myself. When I take the time to look out onto the horizon, I see how far I’ve come. I’ve learned so much about myself since I’ve come to Benin.

I love it here. I’m never perfectly content. I’m learning my mix of doing and being, with the ultimate goal of taking care of myself and others. Sometimes, my needs are at odds with each other. That’s how it goes.

That’s all my head. How’s the rest of my body doing? I can still feel the sting of salt in my eyes from the ocean breeze. The bottoms of my feet are burnt from scalding sand as I run from the shade into the sea. My feet ache from the long walks between the festival venue and our hotel. My stomach is the perfect level of full, benefitting from my choice to overspend on fish and chips and a molten lava cake. My eyelids are heavy. My fingers are whirring away, happy to be set loose on the keys after so long.