“Going to Walden”
It isn’t very far as highways lie
I might be back by nightfall, having seen
The rough pines, and the stones, and the clear water.
Friends argue that I might be wiser for it.
They do not hear the Yankee whisper:
How dull we grow from hurrying here and there!
Many have gone, and think me half a fool
To miss a day in the cool country.
Maybe. But in a book I read and cherish,
Going to Walden is not so easy a thing
As a green visit. It is the slow and difficult
Trick of living, and finding it where you are.
—Mary Oliver, The River Styx, Ohio, 1972
“Lokossa”
My world has become wider
little blessings pressing into me
I’d say wish you were here
but would you know where here was
how to tell you that
There’s trash in the streets
No one speaks my language
But when I walk home I’m seen
Connected, tied in
that simple greeting
reminding me of my place
in the family of things
—Helena Walker, 8/20/24
In doing a bit of poetry study, I was struck by the resemblance of the poem “Going to Walden, a poem I had written for the Ethical ELA Open Write, and some recent reflections I had on the drive up to my new site. I’m here in Benin, and it's different from home, but it’s also, in a way, the closest to home I’ve felt. I’ll never let go of the instant and unconditional welcome I received on arrival, and I look forward to using my skills to help my community and generate sustainable improvement that can continue once I’m gone.
There is a lot less stimulation here. Today, Netflix finally kicked me off of our family plan. There are no billboards on the paved highways, only rolling, silent greenery. Sitting in the passenger seat of the van and looking out the window, I laughed about how I could get very lost in the empty stretches between villages. It’s not empty, though. It’s full of plants. I may not know the names or the significations of species here (or anywhere, to be honest), but if I studied I’d discover regional variants and key features of why which plants are successful where they are by this road. I’m just going too fast to catch any of that. I probably won’t go on to study these plants, but nonetheless, it’s a good reminder for me to think about living more slowly, attending to my needs as an individual, and focusing on the relationships around me.
I’m a Peace Corps Volunteer! I swore into service on August 30th, 2024. The ceremony was formal and quite long, with speeches and many, many thanks and expressions of gratitude. To me, it was a reminder of how many people it takes to make an endeavor like Peace Corps local, sustainable, and possible at all. I “sang” the Star Spangled Banner. It had been planned as a trio by me and two fellow volunteers, but when we stood up, a pre-recorded anthem started playing instead. We shrugged, laughed a little, stood in the front and sang anyway, and complained a lot about the situation afterward. They couldn’t have told us they had music to play? I digress. I got to sing in the end, anyhow, after we celebrated our official swearing-in
The words of the Volunteer Oath and Pledge hit me hard as I considered all the hard work I’d put in to get to this point. The hours of teaching, language mistakes, water shortages, twisted ankles, and social navigation of it all. The final words of the Pledge rang loudly in my ears as I repeated back: “I am a Peace Corps Volunteer.” When the Pledge was done, my friend Lael and I looked at one another and fell into a hug. “We did that. We made it.”
Some may ask where exactly I made it. I do, after all, have 24 months of service remaining. The thing is, now I’m actually starting my service! I’m done with hypotheticals and practice, now is the time I actually get to invest in my community and make a longer-term impact. If the rest of the time goes anywhere as quickly as the first three months did, I’ll be headed home before I even know it. I can only hope it will be enough time. Pre-Service Training was HARD but so, so rewarding. I feel better prepared for my service.
The next day, my friends and I dashed down to Cotonou for some shopping, where I indulged perhaps too much. In my defense, I just got access to my August and September living allowances and my resettlement allowance. It’s about ten times as much money than I’ve had at once here. Cotonou is a sparkling city, in my opinion. It was a wonderful (albeit egregiously expensive) change of pace.
My most essential purchases:
Tupperware
Olive oil
A mirror
My most extravagant purchases:
A nice lamp (18,000 CFA- 30 USD)
A Nutella milkshake (5,000 CFA- 9 USD)
Baobab seed lotion (I forgot the price)
Converted to US dollars, my extravagance doesn’t seem like much but know that the lamp alone constitutes about 5% of my Beninese net worth right now. I still justify my purchases, because they brought me joy and will continue to do so. A celebratory splurge at the beginning is an okay thing, although it certainly will not be a habit (for the sake of fiscal health).
We ate lunch at a restaurant called 365 Sprinkles where I had: a burger!!!! Can you believe it? I almost couldn’t. As with many things on Friday, tears pricked my eyes when I saw it heading towards the table. Burger, milkshake, truffle fries: all made a meal that ran me 20k (CFA, of course). Literally no regrets.
And today, I’m here in the Collines! I have no furniture other than a table and chairs that my principal stole from the school and brought to my house for me. Ok, I also have my Peace Corps issued twin mattress that is currently laying on the floor. I can’t complain, though, because my walls are a bright orange color that will brighten my days in the coming months, and I have a tiled floor. I have a tiled kitchen counter and running water. A shower. I am certainly one of the volunteers who has it better off, so that’s going to be something I’m holding in my thoughts.
This morning, I did some yoga and decided to go for a bike ride around my new community. It was very gratifying to pedal around, greeting people all the way, stopping at stores to pick up some essentials (laundry soap, bread for breakfast) and some non-essentials (pringles). The hills here are no joke. The route I take to school has me huffing and puffing about halfway through. I wanted to go visit the royal palace, but I gave up trying to bike up a steeper portion of hill, making some girls laugh as they saw me labor up a portion and immediately change my mind, whisking past them. These first two weeks I’m here before school is in session, I’m going to take longer bike rides to get to know town and to make sure I’m in shape to get to school with no problems. My host city is spread out, so biking really is going to be my main form of transportation for the next two years.
I’ve cooked my first meal: fried rice with scrambled eggs and onions. I didn’t realize the soy sauce I bought was sweet, but so is life. I should have known though, considering it says sweet on the bottle. I just assumed that meant like high sodium in the French context. I was wrong. I liked the meal quite a bit, though!
To make the meal, I needed help from my neighbors as I realized just before starting to cook I had no spatula or anything at all like it. I knocked on some doors, introduced myself, and borrowed a wooden mixing spoon that helped me to make my dinner.
I spent the rest of the day in my house cleaning, arranging my things, and decorating. I also started watching “New Age Dance Moms” which I am surprised to say I like. It’s different than the original show, but I think it knows that and is willing to be itself, which makes it a charming experience. Is it objectively trashy reality TV? Of course, but to my surprise, it’s original and that works for me.
Special shoutout to my principal because the lamp pictured in this photo got broken on the drive. I was very sad and thought it was done for. He saw it, took it with him for two hours, and brought it back fixed! He also took me to get groceries and to see my host family. He's consistently been a wonderful support for me, and it helps me to feel at ease.
Even though I went out of my house and talked to people, this is the very first day I’ve been objectively on my own. I feel nervous. I jump at every noise I hear. I wonder if I did enough to be out in the community today. I think about my plan for tomorrow. What do I need to prioritize? Did I spend too much time on myself today?
The noises always come from my neighbors, who I can hear through the walls. They’re nearby and (I assume) can hear me as well. I biked for an hour and greeted everyone I saw. I’m planning to wake early tomorrow to do yoga, another bike ride, and then some language study before I reach out to some of my points of contact to see what we could do. I think the time I’m spending in my home today is helping me to feel more comfortable in my home base. I’m setting myself up for success. It’s my very first day here, a Sunday, and things will come in time. They always do.
Send me a message! My teacher friends: how is the school year going?! Family, anything new or funny? Let me know over Facebook Messenger or through the message portal :)
With love,
Lena
The content of this blog post is mine alone and does not reflect the views of the U.S. Government, the Peace Corps, or the Benin Government.
